The concept of self-actualization

Although the concept of self-actualization was originally discussed by Gestalt psychologist Kurt Goldstein, it is most often associated with humanistic psychology, and psychologist Abraham Maslow, who used self-actualization as the pinnacle of his hierarchy of needs. 

Self-actualisation is at the top of the pyramid. It represents the full realisation of each human’s potential and is much less about happiness or achievement and much more about health and growth.

In my work I am most interested in helping leaders; misfits, innovators, alchemists and creatives, to know themselves, trust themselves and express themselves; living to their fullest potential - without dysregulating their nervous systems and/or burning out.

Reaching self-actualisation involves being true to yourself, achieving inner peace and real-ising your dreams sustainably and enjoyably.

Reaching your unique potential is the ultimate human need and is a core part of being...

Seriously strong self trust.

The three fundamental parts and eight things to implement.

At the core of everything I share about self actualisation there are three key tenets.

1. Know yourself
2. Trust yourself
3. Be yourself

They interlink and are all equally important, but the one thing I hear the most from creative, innovative, intelligent huge hearted misfits is: “I just don’t trust myself to… abc” or  “I just don’t trust myself to not xyz”

• I just don’t trust myself not to make a bad choice
• I just don’t trust myself to know what the right choice is
• I just don’t trust myself if there are biscuits in the house
• I just don’t just trust myself to say no
• I just don’t trust myself not to say yes
• I want to say yes, but I don’t trust myself

If any of these sound familiar, keep reading.

The other ways that self trust issues show themselves are as imposter syndrome, or as a fear of attention seeking, showing off;...

Q: I keep hearing people talk about ‘Leo Season’ and the lion's gate portal. What are they all about?

A: This is a wonderful question. The lion's gate portal is a big day for Numerology and astrology peeps and a time of year when we get to look at our Self and the Self we want to be!

Each year between July 28 and August 12, the Lion's Gate portal (which is said to be a rare window between the spiritual and physical worlds) opens as the Earth, the star ‘Sirius’ and the Sun move into complete alignment with the pyramids of Giza (Egypt).

The 8th of August is considered the official activation day, and that is when the sun and Sirius move closest to earth and align with Orion's belt.

Leo energy is linked to the Sun (ego, self-identity, soul path) and to the 5th house (The House Of Pleasure & Creativity.) This time and Leo season (roughly July 22 to August 22 every year) is when the sun is in its natural home of Leo and while there, it offers us its energy as...

You may have heard of attachment style in relationships and believe that you are either Anxious or Avoidant. But what if like me you experience both or neither?

Secure Attachment is when you feel safe together and apart.

When being close doesn't affect your sense of self and being apart doesn't affect your sense of self.

Both anxious and avoidant types struggle with feeling safe in relationships.

If you have experienced any sort of trauma it is likely that you don't feel safe in relationship and you may have a dominant attachment style of Anxious or Avoidant. 

Both have (often unconscious) strategies for dealing with the feelings that intimacy brings up.

Anxious attachment seeks comfort via connection and Avoidant attachment seeks comfort via disconnection.

Anxious attachment doesn't know how to feel safe without the closeness of another and Avoidant attachment doesn't feel safe while being close to another.

Attachment style and behavioural response is determined by our...

Has your relationship with a coach ever become blurred?

“Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable.”

― David W. Augsburger

I am the daughter of a psychotherapist.

When I was younger I would help my dad with his registration submission for the UKCP (UK Council for psychotherapy); a rigorous process set by the professional standards authority.

Doing so meant submitting case studies, proof of supervision, and continued professional development as well as meeting in depth qualification criteria.

The process made me incredibly respectful of the therapeutic container and the support required to properly hold therapeutic space for clients.

My father wasn’t just a psychotherapist though, both he and my mum came home with a vast range of holistic therapies and practices and at a young age my thirst for self actualisation became unquenchable..

My education in the wellness, holistic health and personal growth...

(This audio is Episode one of my podcast Tales of Alchemy. To subscribe, go HERE.)

Alchemy at its essence is transmutation of base material into something precious.

Mediaeval Alchemists sought to turn lead into gold, to find the philosopher's stone, the elixir of life and their magnum opus.

In more recent times, the idea of “inner-alchemy” refers to the spiritual process a person goes through in order to transform their lower-mind, or “base-consciousness” of conditioned or mundane thinking into more purified, expanded-consciousness.

When I speak of Alchemy I am talking about inner alchemy. Carl Jung referred to it as individuation. I call it energetic, emotional, spiritual Alchemy or self actualisation.

Spiritual Alchemy is an ancient philosophy that uses the metaphor of transforming metals into gold for attaining 'spiritual enlightenment'.

In my work and in every aspect of my life I use alchemical processes to distil, refine, purify, remove stagnancy, and...

Hundreds of thousands of years ago, before the rise of the Church and Patriarchy, both men and women were valued and respected equally.

God or Source or The Creator wasn't yet ingrained in our consciousness as being an old white dude.

Women were teachers, healers, mothers, and guides and they were respected for what they uniquely brought to their communities. They taught of the mysteries and creation of life. The innately feminine gifts of nurturing, receptivity, intuition, and being in tune with emotions, seasons and cycles were seen as powerful and valuable.

Some of these women specialised in herbalism, or numerology, or palmistry, or astrology and held space for other women in sacred circle and there were many temple arts, where a higher connection between the Divine and earthly beings was revered and nurtured.

The Priestess was a spiritual leader and guide, sharing ritual, leading ceremony and offering counsel.

The Priestess walked the bridge between the seen and unseen worlds....

Every month I write a new age, (Aquarian age) Advice Column for Soulacy Magazine.

I thought I'd share a couple of the questions and their answers so you can see the type of thing I get asked and how I answer...

Dear Ebonie,

I’ve heard two conflicting schools of thought when it comes to manifesting. One says that you need to have precise clarity on what it is you’re trying to manifest so the universe knows what to start working toward to send your way. The other says that the universe/The Divine already knows what you want because, well, it knows everything, so rather than focusing on getting the clarity, focus on keeping yourself open to what you’re meant to receive. What are your thoughts on this?

Michelle

Hi Michelle,

This is a great question. First off, there is no ‘right’ answer to this. Although we live in a time when everyone seems to be the expert on everyone else, the only real expert on you, is you and there is no shortcut to understanding...

According to The American psychoanalyst Gerald Schoenwolf emotional contagion is “a process in which a person or group influences the emotions or behaviour of another person or group through the conscious or unconscious induction of emotion states and behaviour attitudes.”

Have you ever noticed that moods or emotions are contagious?

Emotional contagion has been linked to empathy as it is the tendency to feel and express emotions similar to and influenced by those of others. 

Many of my clients identify as empathic. Many of them notice that after they have spent time with me working on their mindset, shifting their consciousness, perception or perspective, it can be hard to stay in an emotionally high vibe place. 

After raising their vibration, they go and spend time with their Debbie Downer friends, colleagues or family and end up feeling despondent or negative again.

This is perfectly normal, in fact one could say that it is a scientific phenomenon. 

We...

What is holding you back from having the courage and confidence to be, do and have it all - in your own unique and extraordinary way?

You’re probably not going to like what I have to say, but I am known for my no BS approach. I prefer to give it to you straight. I see it as my job to cheerlead and challenge you to be the best human you can be and to live your best life. So, I’m kickass and kind, and I’m going to give you the truth.

The truth is that the reason you aren’t living the life of your dreams is because of a great big laundry list of excuses, most of which fall into one of four camps:

1. Doubts
2. Fears
3. Your need to be in Control
4. Limiting stories and beliefs

Sounds simple right?

Well, just because it's simple, doesn't mean its easy.

Let's imagine that you want to leave your boring job, or your unstimulating relationship, or start your own photography business. Or maybe you want to sell your art , retrain as a teacher, or help people conquer their...