At 12 weeks premature, I arrived into the world before it was ready for me. A feeling that stayed with me through much of life.
But as I look back through the crystal clear lens of perspective, I see that it might not have been ready for me, but it certainly needed me.
It needed my magic. It needed my rejection and refusal of all that is 'ordinary.'
It needed me to experience 'normal' life invading my Spirit and leaving my childhood self believing her magic was wrong.
As I transitioned into adulthood, it needed me to walk through the fire, to burn it all, so I could alchemise the grief, shame and self hatred; the entrapment of the desire to be normal. The emptiness, the mental and physical sacrifice of those who are born to be misfits and stand with them, shoulder to shoulder, as they realise the true power they have been gifted with.
Because the world needs you too.
The presence of Divinity, of the wild, wise Feminine can not be suppressed. The more I tried, the more it unleashed itself through destructive behaviours, burnout, and a dangerous binge and purge cycle of toxicity.
Without Divine expression, without my magic, I was empty, stuck and lost.
My identity and self worth was tied up in external achievements. I was living in a land of ‘should's and ‘musts.’ I felt trapped, and overwhelmed. I doubted everything, I felt huge levels of discomfort and I numbed them all with food, alcohol, drugs and sex.
I felt no real pleasure and no real pain, I felt disconnected from my clients, from my business partners and from my purpose.
All I could hear were demands, dissatisfaction; the voice of my own disappointment, and silence…
It was time for a change. I considered suicide. I chose anti depressants and a one way ticket to Bali.
What I learned there was not straightforward.
I was required to walk through the fire again, burning the versions of me that weren’t serving and emerging once more. This process has continued over and over, bringing me to my role as Priestess of Alchemy, continually allowing higher versions of myself to rise up from the ashes.
In my current version, I find myself in a place of inspiration, creativity and imagination. I am grounded, strong and yet playful and light in my body and in my soul. I feel all my feelings without suffering them. I ask for support when I need it and listen to my body wisdom. I sleep, eat and exercise when I know I need and want to. I listen to others, and share my world.
In my current version, I help you move through your own process of alchemy, so you can be what the world needs, regardless of it being ready for you.
It brings me great joy to be able to work with the Misfits - the people who won't conform - and inspire and empower you to have it ALL, in your OWN way.